You’ve done it. You have found the perfect love. You and your partner get along great, see each other all of the time, and occasionally spend the night getting to pick each other’s brains. But then... you get your dream job offer in a different state.
You’ve done it. You have found the perfect love. You and your partner are getting along great, seeing one another whenever you want, and occasionally spend the night getting to pick each other’s brains. But then the unexpected happens. You get a new job opportunity in another state, or even more frightening, the other side of the country. Don’t worry. We’ve been there, it gets better. Long-distance relationships can seem scary, especially after hearing all of the horror stories. Being in a long-distance relationship of my own, finding a way to keep the spark going can seem hard to do at first, but it is possible. It just takes a little extra consideration and work.
So where do you even begin? Here are a few tips you can use to keep you and your partner's Long-Distance close.
When you started dating your partner, you may have come up with a list of questions to ask on your date to make sure that they are worth your time. They may have included ones like “Where do you work?”, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”, or even “Do you see yourself getting married and having kids someday?” These questions, although helpful in getting to know your potential partner, are also helpful to continue during your relationship.
This does not mean asking the usual questions like “How was your day?” or even “What’s on the menu for dinner?” They are just too mundane for 20 questions. You must be strategic. Even asking questions like, “If we were together, where would you want to go on a date?”, can be helpful to start thinking about your similar interests in trying something new or remembering the things you love to do with your partner. (Official, of course, can help you out with planning those future dates.) It’s all about getting to know your partner better because let’s face it, there is always something new to learn every day.
If you need help coming up with questions, check out Gottman Card Decks. Trust me, they're helpful.
Now, this does mean go and buy a bottle of Erika Badu’s pussy fresh incense that sold out like wildfire in a matter of hours last year. Not unless that’s your thing. No judgment here.
Rather, the fragrance that I am referring to is the scent that helps your partner have a reminder of you when they are having a hard time sleeping or just because they miss you. You can either exchange perfumes or colognes or spray your scent onto a piece of clothing that you have worn before. It may sound weird at first, but your partner will enjoy remembering your smell. Trust me, it works.
Becoming a couch potato can be very easy to do, especially during the pandemic when there is barely anything to do. If you’re like me, working out by yourself can become a little boring. Staying active with your partner can honestly make it easier to get behind. Apps like My Fitness Pal not only help you to keep track of your fitness goals but also encourage your partner to meet theirs.
Just like a normal movie date night, you and your partner can pick any movie of your choice. When you use Netflix Party, you and your partner will have the ability to use the apps text chat, but you can opt to talk on the phone or use any other platform that will allow you to watch the newest movies or TV shows and connect.
If watching movies or tv shows together isn’t possible due to your conflicting schedules, especially if you share the same account, you can still make this work. Just inform your partner when you have finished it so that they can go and do the same. Afterward, you can set up a time to talk about your thoughts, both good and bad.
The hardest part about long-distance relationships is not being able to touch your partner whenever or however you want. This, however, can be a time when you can get more clarity from your partner about their sexual needs and expectations for when you do meet up in person again. Keeping the spice alive can be anywhere from sexting to full-on video chat sessions.
Before you do anything with your partner, make sure to have a conversation with them about boundaries and ensure that you trust them enough with this sensitive content. Remember, the internet lasts forever.
I know, firsthand, how hard long-distance is and how hard it can be to not have your partner close by. Although you are apart, there is always something you can do to make sure that the time you spend together remains fun and exciting. Anything is possible when you become official.
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